Sometimes when I’m taking the bus to work, I pretend it’s a shuttle taking me from the airport to a week at a Caribbean resort or other foreign destination.
Sometimes I will make a sandwich for myself, garnish it and then wrap it up and put it in the fridge. Later when I pull the sandwich from the fridge and eat it, I pretend that someone else made it for me.
Sometimes when I write I pretend I’m Jane Austen. I’m a woman who documents life, a keen and piercing observer of the world.
I’m a firm advocate of being in the here and now, and I’m pretty sure I’m not suffering from psychosis (but if anyone wants to argue otherwise, tell me!). So what is the point of all my pretending?
It’s good for me.
Pretending helps me know what my heart needs even when my head hasn’t gotten the memo.
Sometimes I need a break from my everyday life, an adventure or challenge. I dream about a relaxing getaway or exotic travels.
Sometimes I wish someone would take care of me. I need to feel like I’m not alone and doing it all for myself. I pretend some other loving body has made me a sandwich.
Sometimes I need to feel that what I do matters, that my work transcends time and space and reaches people in a way that changes them for the better.
Pretending reveals the urges of my heart. And that revelation is the first step to creating the reality that I need.
I’ve done my fair share of online dating. I’ve met some great guys who are sincerely looking for love and companionship and I’ve also met some cads who’ve lied about everything from their marital status to their sexual preferences and relationship goals. Online dating isn’t that much different from more traditional dating except for a few things.
Online dating compresses the time frame for meeting potential dating partners. Join a dating site and suddenly you’ll meet dozens of potential dating partners in an evening rather than over the span of months. The result can be thrilling and sometimes discouraging. Sure there are crazy people on the dating sites. But they’re out there in real life too. They just come at you faster through online dating. And remember, you are someone’s crazy person too, so stay humble.
Online dating makes it much easier to deceive yourself and potential dating partners.
I can almost guarantee that if a man’s profile says he’s 5’6” he will be 5’3” or shorter. I don’t care how tall a man is. I do care that he’s lying, especially about something so trivial and easy to spot. What else is he lying about?
If you’re going to put up an online dating profile, be impeccable with the facts. You want to attract people for who you really are and not be left squirming when you have to magically lose 30 pounds or grow three inches overnight before that first meeting.
Use the Internet to meet people, not to get to know them. It’s waaaaaay too easy to fill in the gaps between reality and how you want reality to be, and become attached to a fantasy.
So don’t spend too much time online getting to know a potential dating partner. A few emails exchanged will do. If you are interested in someone you’ve met online, arrange to meet. Only once you actually meet someone in real life will you know if there’s chemistry for you both. Trust me – if he/she smells like your sibling, it will be a turn off!
Last thing. It’s dating. It’s supposed to be fun. So go forth, be you and let the world love ya!